A Trio of Rather Screwed-Up Christmas Carols
by Tuxedo Jack
Summary: Rated PG13 for one use of the F word by James. Basically, this is a trio of Christmas carols written by myself both in school and in the shower. MSMT3K spoilers inside! Read this to find out more!


"And I did open the can of dog food, and I did mix it with the dry dog   
food..."  
  
A Trio of Rather Screwed-Up Christmas Carols  
By Tuxedo Jack  
December 11, 2000  
  
DISCLAIMER: Everyone mentioned herein is their own property. I own these   
lyrics, as I created them. Apologies to the ones who wrote the music   
and lyrics to the originals. All anime beings are the properties  
of whomever created them. MST3K is the property of Best Brains.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Oscar Roasting on an Open Fire" to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting on   
an Open Fire"  
  
Oscar roasting on an open fire,  
Ratliff nipping at your nose.  
Lots of songfic being flung in the fire,  
Avatars dressed up like Eskimos...  
  
Everybody knows  
A MiSTing and some MiSTletoe  
Help to make the season bright  
The SoL  
With its lights all aglow  
Is high in its orbit tonight  
  
They know Dr. F. is on his way  
He's loaded lots of fics and movies on his sleigh  
And every single bot is gonna cringe  
When Pearl Forrester goes on a drinking binge  
  
And so we're offering this simple thought  
To every MSTer, man or bot  
"When you go to riff the things the Mads send you,  
Bring sarcasm... bring a lot."  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
"Pikachu" to the tune of "Jingle Bells"  
  
(Ash) Fighting Team Rocket,  
Beating Gym Leaders,  
Capturing Pokemon,  
Winning more battles!  
  
My name is Ash Ketchum,  
And that what's my life's like,  
I can sum it up for you -   
It's one great big old fight!  
  
CHORUS:  
(All Pokemon characters w/Outer Senshi) Oh, Pikachu, Pikachu,  
What are you to do?  
You're trapped in a Christmas songfic  
Written by Hotaru...  
  
Pikachu, Pikachu,  
Commit suicide  
All of us here hate you  
So go run in fear and hide!  
  
(James) A day or two ago,  
I thought I'd have some fun,  
And soon Jessie and Meowth  
Had loaded up their guns!  
  
We went after the kids,  
And caught them in a backyard  
Then that stupid fucking kid  
Sent out his Charizard!  
  
(Repeat Chorus)  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
"What Fic is This" to the tune of "What Child is This"  
  
(Males from the Satellite of Senshi) What fic is this that Oscar wrote,  
That Beryl sent and we're riffing  
In which he does the hibbidy-dibbidy  
With Artemis and then Felicia  
  
(Females from the Satellite of Senshi) That, that is an Oscarfic  
He's the worst hentai on the Internet  
Run, run, for his fics come forth  
The hermaphrodite, Oscar  
  
(Males) And who wrote this steaming pile of crap  
Involving the Sailor Senshi  
He blows them away with a common twelve-gauge  
Sawed-off shotgun and two shells each  
  
(Females) That, that is a being named Nav  
He's a man with quite a large axe to grind  
He hates the Sailor Senshi  
And he wants to kill them all brutally  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
Well, happy holidays, everybody. This definitely isn't my Christmas special  
- that's a Shinji Ikari the 10 o' Clock Assassin lemon - but this comes   
close. The "Oscar Roasting on an Open Fire" bit I thought up the same   
morning that I wrote "You're the Moon Princess" - I was definitely   
overdosed on caffeine. "What Fic is This" I wrote later that day. I had   
kicked around the idea of a novel-form Christmas special for MSMT3K in   
which everybody sang these... but I decided, as you can tell, to post  
these separately.  
  
"Pikachu" - well, you don't want to know where that came from, but I'll   
tell you. I made it up in the shower last night. I was bored, and my   
laptop's MIDI player won't repeat if I use a playlist (which I did)...   
so I sang.  
  
(A la the Prince from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail") I want to sing,  
sing, _sing_! (Normal) Oy... sorry. Little error there. Mind snapped.  
  
Bring the antinauseants for Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 episode 114!   
Someone escapes... Urd discovers the true meaning of "don't eat that food"  
and soon regrets it... and a prelude to horror is laid!  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
TuxedoJack@juno.com  
  
http://www.satellitesenshi.net  
http://www.satellitesenshi.com  
http://www.satellitesenshi.org  
  
"He's going to tell us, he's going to tell us, he's going to tell us,  
he's going to tell us..." - Monty Python and the Holy Grail 


End file.
